DEAR FIRST YEAR,

 

I wish not to trouble your thoughts as you have already been ensnared by this institution. I neither intend to make you question your intelligence nor that of your villagers back home. With this comes unending tales of suffering and turmoil. I address you as I would a baby sister or baby brothers (I have neither) so forgive me if my message comes off as abrasive.
Bedbugs shall exile you from your room at least twice during your stay here. The infestation will be a epidemic; it shall cause strife in your life at the hostel. You shall judge your fellow friends; you shall avoid having Sunday nights Bible study and you shall understand why the titanic sank and Miguna Miguna flew.
Please remember my words as you apply to join this university. Be prepared to be frustrated, broken down and misused during your stay here. Understand that the idea of this institution being one of higher learning is a faux, we are at haya learning. You will be embarrassed more than you are educated, you will look down more than you look up (especially at stage) and you will mention the name Moi University in silent whispers.
The quality of education is not synonymous to Ivy League schools, heck! It’s not even the same level as secondary school education. As public as Moi Avenue, you may confuse a 6.2 for a villager and vice versa due to the extent of adoption to the vicinity and accent. All my people who can now speak Kiswahili in Kalenjin accent say aye! You who look like a lecturer but with less content and more experience, God is alive. Us who relate to Kaligraph Jones on a personal level when he raps about being baba yao insist on commandment number 6.(insert Kaligraph’s tone and lips)
All the fat I came with in first year got lost in transition. I should be happy on all accounts but why lose your fat to gain the whole Kesses? I have seen friends come and go, I have witnessed murram and mud, Gone far and beyond in construction of accommodation and kiosks. It gets real when your friend tells you of her 4 year old daughter who you visited in 2014. Yet the only thing you’ve added onto your life since then is series of ex-boyfriends who you can’t recall and supplementary exams you are not sure if they are still in syllabus.
Do you remember the color of the administration block before they decided to echo M-pesa services on the low? What was the previous arrangement of the mess at the student center before? Can you taste the crispy tantalizing fries sold at Soweto by one reknown Collo? Do you remember the value of Soweto especially during rainy season? Can you remember the aroma emanating from ground floor at K every day at 11am?
This is the time for repentance, the time to renounce all your evil and seek something that is not calibrated on the thermometer. Jimmy Gait is a messenger to all those that have stayed for 4 years and beyond in school without a big five degree. Do not choose Moi University kids unless you want to shout I RECEIVE IT in church for six years.

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Receive 3 years like others received 3 goals

All my due respect is given to the lot that created the shortcut cutting across the patio in front of the administration block. You are the real MVPs, I owe you the exams I never missed, the form I arrived prior invite and the days that it would rain when I was gracious enough to attend a bounced lecture. Without you, I am nothing! We came in at a time whereby there wasn’t any two storey structure on sight, now we have accommodation that goes up to four floors and 5 numerals. Apologies to those who considered that slanted building near Club Channel as accommodation. And people think it’s only in Githu where buildings collapse.
‘I’m not boarding’ should be your mantra, passport your getaway, Raila your bwoy and in the spirit of Niggaz With Attitude (Compton) F*&%^ Tha Police. Without an overhaul of the whole administration, cases of extended studies (8.4.6) will be rampant and K.C.P.E candidates shall catch up with us at the facilities. But that doesn’t concern you young soul, simply don’t apply here and save yourself all the extra expenses. You might leave here as a trio without any paper and three Vice Chancellors deep. Judas is amongst us.
Yours agitated,
Fourth year but six year really

(3rd October 2017 while walking along Moi Avenue aimlessly, I bump into my uncle)
Uncle: (in a jittery voice) My favorite!!How are you doing? How’s home?
Me: I’m doing really great, mum and kila mtu are fine just trying life (kujaribu maisha tu)
Uncle; (whilst removing 1000 shilling note) and btw were you doing law? Hii graduation iko lini?
Me: Uncle hata we are opening next week hopefully by April 2018 Kesses will be my EX
Uncle: (laughs and hands over money)
Aye! To philanthropic family members, wengine hata salamu kukupa ni balaaa na bundles ni za Telkom

 

 

Happy Easter Everyone!!!!I Am celebrating 5 Years as a writer today, couldnt be more grateful for your support from blogspot to wordpress and now we are going to have a website!!!!!!! I wouldn’t be here without you, I am truly grateful and be blessed! Your Future Bright!

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