HAVE YOU HEARD? By Daisy Waitherero

Don’t you just hate that feeling you get after being told a juicy story
then the ‘keep this between us’ bombshell is dropped? This is why my
curiosity levels are really low, okay that’s not the honest truth but you
get the idea. What is the point of telling someone a secret only to kill
the whole vibe by giving them a restriction? If you want restrictions try
putting them in your mouth, it will help a whole lot. I am not a number
one fan when it comes to gossip unless it’s me making people’s lips run.
Something about gossip that doesn’t exactly make my popcorns pop.
It’s usually said; it’s better to have a friend than to need one but there
comes that time that you have friends but you still need others. This is
called the realisation point. Spill your secrets and you will find out
exactly what I mean. You start thinking that having groupies is far much
better than your circle of friends, this is loyalty gone bitter.
I personally love groupies, they are loyal, fun and super kind to you,
next to a dog’s loyalty they are ranked second place. As much as
groupies serve as your entire best friend, it doesn’t mean they are a fit
replacement for friends; actually they are worse than your enemies. Be
careful with them for you never know when they will turn on you. At
least you know your enemies will forever turn on you come life come
When you wear a micro-miniskirt and a cleavage almost letting
everything fall off, is what I call revealing. People will talk of how flat
your chest is and how skinny your legs are, this isn’t entirely bad. On a
lighter note they will take you to Koinange Street and make you stand
there till dark, isn’t that a cup of tea? This is a classic example of airing
your dirty laundry outside your four walls. Wear like a nun and certainly
you will get through a couple of days unless it’s summer.
Secrets are like clothes; the more you shed the worse it gets for you.
Over-revealing the deeds you do behind closed doors or in a dark shade
of light will get you into trouble. If you are catholic then you are one
free soul though I don’t think the priest feels all peaches and cream
after you leave. As much as I like keeping all secrets at bay when I
socialise, I tend to pour a little bit of this here and there just to ease the
tension. This is definitely done with a lot of caution and fear of reprisal
after the friendship has fallen out.
Apart from my two amazing best friends no one else knows the dirt
under my shoe, I think. I am not a strong believer of secrets being
bottled up in one soul only; feel free to share it out! I mean we are all
going to die and as my pastor used to say your actions will be shown in
3D on judgement day. I am not sure whether he had caught the 3D
fever or he just wanted us to get saved out of fear.
What we cover up with 10 inch makeup or with long couture gowns or
with stilettos touching heaven will be revealed in heaven. The positive
side is that no one will have time to gossip but the not so positive side
is that you will be on the highway to hell. Lord, have mercy on us for we
are all sinners, well apart from the pope.
The existence of good and bad publicity doesn’t actually exist so my
dear celebrities quit whining! It doesn’t really help. The primary source
of the publicity is in fact you and no one else. The next time you find
yourself sulking behind closed doors while reading about yourself in
local magazine, go look at the mirror. Really sad but it is what it is. If
you keep your personal life extremely personal trust me no one will
find out. Apart from your cousin Joe who always leaks your life to the
media every time he gets drunk but can you blame him? You always
deny him money for alcohol.
There are certain people who are trained to lie like an envelope as
much as they live in the lime light which is so amazing. A good example
is Wahu and Nameless, a couple that we consider Kenya’s sweethearts.
They must be one of the most private people in Kenya. You can say it’s
because they stopped being relevant but I think they are just good at
seeing the four walls that surround them. As for the rest of the
celebrities who feel they must pop up just to maintain their relevance,
continue doing your thing. At least you don’t need the judgement day
to know why you will be heading to the fire.
Unfortunately, in every twenty people in the world there is a snoop
dog. A snoop dog is someone who has hidden cameras in everyone’s
home and don’t they love reality shows. I can’t really blame them for
impersonating the national library; someone has to keep the
neighbourhood’s 411. They are the self-professed paparazzi in the area;
dangling on trees, scaling walls and peeping through hedges.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support such characters but I understand
them a bit. When you don’t have a life you will need to feed off other
people’s lives and that’s how they are. The nineteen of us were created
and they were made, simple. The problem with them is they have the
worst case of mouth diarrhoea. You ask and they will tell plus additional
information. They are the reason why we say; don’t ask, don’t tell
I have one rule and one rule only, mainly because all the other rules are
so easy to break so I just refer to them as mere guidelines. My golden
rule; share your secrets if you know you will die the next day. I live each
day as if it’s my last so you can imagine the number of oops I say in 365


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