RESULTS ARE HERE!! By Diaz Waitherero

 Three words that would make a PHD student squirm before the
sentence is completed. Personally, I hated exams from the time I knew
it will be more than one paper. I mean if you want to know what I have
grasped could you just compile everything into one simple and easy
paper. That would even minimise the marking. It’s a win-win situation
my dear lecturers.
Not to mention I am not the exact definition of patience so sitting down
on an uncomfortable chair for more than thirty minutes is just pure
torture. Usually two hours are for writing down what you think is right
and for convincing yourself that what you’ve written might be right.
Most times I wonder why give us so much time yet we only know two
answers in the paper.
I usually loved the first fifteen minutes of exams, mainly because of
perusing the pages. The feeling I would get after knowing I know more
than just my three names was simply ecstatic. After forty five minutes I
was usually grooming my nails or erasing the answers that seemed
more like scribbles each time I reviewed them. One hour down, one
more to go.
The second hour was a pain! It was like somebody was using magic to
turn the minute hand back over and over again. I opted to sleep during
that period and for some good angel I would wake up ten minutes to
time. During that short period I would remember all the correct
answers that I should’ve written and all the blanks I should’ve filled.
What happens when you see time running out and your hand going on
strike when you need it the most? The tension definitely makes you
think of doing the Harlem shake before you automatically freeze. Don’t
you just hate that feeling? So you hand out your half-filled answer
sheet being dead sure three-quarter of the half-filled sheet is even
wrong. After that exam your hopes rate zero, your confidence is some
sort of misplaced fear and your future looks like Migingo; in the middle
of nowhere. And somebody still expects you to read for the next exam,
give me a break!
Of course this attitude didn’t take me as far as I expected but along the
way I managed. After spending sleepless hours studying for an exam
that I would probably get an Eloya and sitting two hours straight
writing down everything I know. Maybe that’s a lie since I was busy
grooming and catching up on my dreams but really? Who expects me to
go through that seven more times?
Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results,
technically it’s a mad world we live in. I can count about twenty people
in my class who did the same thing as me so you can imagine how many
people in the world are from the same cloth. I believe that even the
crème de la crème did the same thing; the difference is that they were
better at it than the rest.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ails everyone because how do you
explain reading the same material two years straight? Or even worse
four years and you will review it over and over constantly complaining
of the boredom that comes with it. All in all exams are good for those
who excel in them, not for everyone who do them. As a good friend
says don’t put everything on paper, you will empty your brains. He
didn’t end up so well so I guess that isn’t the policy that everyone
should follow.
The minute you realise the teacher has walked in with the results, you
will definitely turn to your desk mate to ask for break money of which
she never owed you. Ask me why? I would say it’s the fact that your
name is too long to start the list but you get the idea, you failed and it
was bad. This is the second time your mind goes blank and your bladder
is beckoning. This state lasts until you hear your name and it only gets
worse if you are last on the list. Either way you wind up everything with
the lowest grade plus a feeling of despair just to spice it up.
After a couple of days of reassurance and self motivation, you make it
your sole purpose to pass the next test. A few days down the line,
reading or rather staring blankly into the book gets a bit too boring. You
then forget the purpose of it all so you eventually fall out and fail your
exam again; this happens three/ four times until you realise you are
going round in circles. Call it insanity. The funny thing about failing is
that you always hang out with all those who had similar results. For
consolation that maybe you are not the only one whose age
corresponds to the percentage you got in Maths.
Whether you are the best in your line of work or the worst, it’s only
human for you to fret. No one can point fingers during this period. Let
me not even start on the braggarts who purposely leave their papers
out in the open to show they have aced. Next time you miss getting 99
by a mark please just know we really don’t care, Okay maybe we do a
bit. I just pray my mother won’t read this article otherwise I will be
heading to the asylum or even worse I pay my university school fees.
That’s the worst form of punishment for anyone who is under 22.


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