Every time I hear the word men the theme song of ‘Two and a Half Men’ just chirps out of my lips. It’s sad that most of what we are left with are halves instead of the twos.

Why can’t men ask for direction? Why can’t they pick up a manual? Why can’t they gobble up a self-help book? What is so darn hard about educating this specie?

If you have been with a male driver especially one who is romantically involved, you must have already considered using a PSV by now. Multiple times. They blame the roads, the signage, the seatbelt, the dog that died, their dead grandfather; everything apart from themselves. My impatience levels are usually flaring up time and time again so welcome I haven’t caused any road carnages. And mostly because I don’t have a car to get in to.

Seemingly these descendants of Adam prefer learning by doing instead of being told what to do. Who took us back to the Australopithecus period? Adam himself was told what to do, so much so he went an extra mile and listened to his wife. It didn’t end up so well for the rest of the world but that’s not the point. By a sure of eyelids, how many of you try to get directions from your ‘wives’? Ladies be the Eves to your Adams, there is no way you are going to Rongai via Karen when you can use Mbagathi Road. It is geographically incorrect.

Men want to appear strong and capable. The only capable I care about is capable of reaching home before The Trend starts on NTV. Larry Madowo and the three musketeers won’t wait for you to decide whether it’s left or right. And they won’t help if you follow number 23 up to Buru instead of going straight to Donholm. Be CAPABLE of following that Embassava.

There is something about winning that is addictive. They can’t wait for that victorious screeching U-turn and park in front of the front gate of Sarova Shaba Resort. It’s all about winning. Being right and feeling accomplished for making a two minute walk become a five hour drive. The journey doesn’t matter, it’s the destination was a quote invented by a man and now you know why. And if they believe in it so much then advice your romantic partner to try a camel.

Men are the weird Human Beings we were told its taboo to talk about. I leave it there.


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