THE BIBLE: VERSION 2014 by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

God commanded that man should go and fill the earth and trust men to have taken it literally and embark on a mission to fill every single square meter. We got an overpopulated continent, depleted food resources, men on deadbeat for abandoning the places they filled, bombing and terroristic malpractices aimed at reducing us and women sexually oriented as men on the increase. Shout out to my bros on the Asian continent for leading us in this race; you are all blessed.

After minimal or next to none research into the women’s insecurity symptoms in relation to the unprecedented men’s incapability to practice monogamy, I concluded that sperm donors and lesbianism are the ‘messiah’ that women always needed. I certainly don’t stand to be corrected simply because am right on a level that most men might consider naïve (I loathe this word) and to some extent pain in the neck aka feministic; but that is none of my business *sips Drostdy Hoff* for I ran out of potassium permanganate.

I have no intentions to justify lesbianism or homosexuality but we are in the 21st century; things that are not accepted in a normal society are embraced by this generation. For instance a man wearing a t-shirt written “I love Beiber”(gays), kupanda mbegu is not entirely farming, (according to Kanyari’s agricultural practices), women who are men but still are women(Andrew Audrey), children dressing like adults and adults wearing children’s clothes(socialites), taking nude photos is a professional career (Kim Kardashian) and so on so forth.

I am starting to think that the end of the world is really coming. We have more sin than all generations combined. I don’t mean to judge but we are doomed if Jesus comes as a thief anytime soon. Though I do find it a little strange that Jesus’ coming is being compared to that of a thief. I mean He is the Alpha and the Omega, The son of the King Himself, The bearer of the crown, The man who gave us all a second chance to life and life in abundance; its politically incorrect to give Him such a shoddy comparison with a thief. But who am I to point out errors of an author’s work, I haven’t even written one book.

So during this festive season try not to add too many sins; I mean it would be literally hell for you if you do. I am definitely not spared, whoever is with no sin, dare cast a stone. Gor Mahia dont test me this holiday season.

Forgive us Father for we have sinned, been sinning and unfortunately will sin.


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