THE LAST LEG OF 2018

Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a person who writes or pronounces Avacado as Ovacado. All yee shall burn at the stake of the fallen angel. You should make your own planet. Ten planets sound pretty bad ass though. Its final, it’s complete, it’s the 6 to the 9. This digressing should be left in 2018.

It’s about that part of the year when we start receiving those texts. The ones you select twenty contacts, one of them is happens to be Brayo; there’s always a Brayo somewhere and send a chain.

The part when you figure out that the number of month(s) left is insignificant and your blessing might be coming next year. I bet your angel is somewhere stuck in line, like that one at Nyayo house. You probably missed it because you blue ticked my posts, shame on you! Yeah I said it, shame on you!

This is the shortest time of the year, you can never hit your target weight; you realize that you have been broke most part of the year and Keg isn’t so bad. January, February and whatweretheothers called again never seemed so foreign.

This part of the year is for recollection of all you have done and haven’t done. It’s reflective and it sucks. But not so much because you going to have a do over in 2019.You get to be answerable to yourself.

Whether you slept too long or dreamt too loud. You will hear people saying ‘heri 2019 ifike, unakumbuka ile day (you will nod even though you don’t remember) and ‘hii 2018 imekuwa sijui aje’. You will find mates in the same pit of melancholy and drink more than you should waiting for the New Year. Then realize that all along it’s been the same.

Year after year. Nothing ever changes because you never change so you hate yourself for being redundant and hope you are going to be better next year. You probably won’t. But that’s life.

This is the time when we eat, mingle, go for blankets and wine, wait for black Friday, think a little too loudly and get lost in pointless regrets. The chain messages have switched from love and healing carriages to forgiveness caravans. Send them anyway.

Messages about heartbreaks and friendships gone sour are the most liked. Yes sister ‘you are the ribs; you don’t chase, you are chased’. No brethren, ‘alphas don’t run in packs, they run and get bucks’.

Everyone in pain feels good during the last quarter. Your status reads ‘I’m coming for everything they said I couldn’t have’ yet nobody said anything. But it is okay, it is your status, we won’t ask what’s…app

You get to eat and blame it on the holiday. You overspend, you curse too much, you don’t look for work and you are broke waiting for January. The last quarter is the time for naps and siestas. This is the time to throw that middle finger to everyone who put you through hell during the year.

It’s the time to be free from all negativity. It’s time to drop the mic and assure yourself you’ll pick it up on 31st December- when you are drunk on the beach at a concert your friend Mike tagged you along to- Mikes are not to be trusted.

The segment in which all graduation caravans are heading in one direction. The roads are packed and the flights are booked. You cannot get anywhere using Thika road and can’t go anywhere if you won’t use Thika road. It’s a mess!

Traffic
Jam most

You see those shady graduation cards that have love hearts and the Christmas decoration on necks of young minds. They are smiling because Uncle Chris said he will buy drinks later on that night and slid money into their pocket. God bless uncle Chris’.

Parents start wondering what they will do with the children. Schools are already closed and there is 2 months worth of ‘daddy nibuyie na mummy ona huyu’. You are worried and miss the times when tuition was legal.

You remember complaining to Mama Bobo that tuition should be banned because children deserve time off and school is too overbearing. You said this because you were busy travelling and never stayed home long enough to know you had spoilt unwarranted kids.

You start reaching out to relatives because you need to know whether there will be a turn out on 25th. Last year, you were the only present family and you got bored because you don’t like having a tete a tete with your mother in law.

Bye 2018

Your kids also didn’t have people to play with and they nagged you to buy things for them. Things you can’t afford; things that they broke or lost.

You eat 6 chapos this November while in January you claimed you cannot finish 2. You are 5 servings away from looking like Mejja or Nonini. Your neck and your thighs match but it does not matter it’s almost Christmas season and you will go to gym in January.

Fooood

Food is the best part of the year, everything else is pure psycho. The dreams that were valid have expired,drunken nights with zero recollection, terrible hangovers,boring dates with a fat guy who you learnt is broke and lives with his mum, the great memories at your friend Danny’s ruracio. Danny doesn’t know what he has gotten himself into, you think to yourself.

2019 will probably have the same highs and lows, you worry. There will be a whole lot of lessons being shoved down your throat the older you get.

Life is not as fun and kind as you used to think but it doesn’t matter because you have a family that pries on you, friends that get you wasted and good health.

Flip side is you have a job that is draining you (try unemployment), a shoe that gives you bunions and a kid that stares at you too long during the morning church service.(anajua kitu)

2 COMMENTS

  1. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. cheers

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