WHEN SHE IS ACTING LIKE A KARDASHIAN….

Do you often find yourself thinking of what to say next? Do you wish that you could just reply your own texts instead of getting a ‘k’? Well here are ten signs that will indicate that she is not that into you;

1. Soon

Soon she will block your number. Soon she will become friends with your EX. Soon she will marry your best friend and ask you to babysit. Soon is another way of saying never but without getting someone else’s feelings hurt. 


2. Maybe

Well, it depends. 
‘Can we go out?’

 ‘Maybe’

Boy bye. The only time you will go out is when you are looking at her Display Picture as you take coffee all by your damn self. 
‘Do you think about me?’

‘Maybe’

Honey you are probably the only one who thinks about you. She might not even remember your face.
Don’t be waiting for a maybe to go to yes, a strong no has more chances of turning into a yes. A never has even more chances than a maybe. Look at Brenda Wairimu and Juliani, Erico and Miss Chanty then Bahati and the president’s seat. 

3. LOL

No she is not laughing. No you are not the one. Not for that second, not for that day nor week nor month nor year. Hata vision 2030 when there are no jamaas left and she has three kids with no baby dadies, her sponsor is on life support and she lives with her mum bado mtu wangu.



4. You are silly

Yes you are. In a very condescending way. Silly translates to annoying, ‘who is you mother?’, wabe, and Miley Cyrus. This statement summarizes everything that doesn’t make sense in her whole life. Why is the world round? What is an axis? Why is Africa shaped like a woman bending over? What does Triumph tell his barber to get that hairstyle? How is it you have been in school for more than 12 years?


5. I was busy

Yet she does not work, does not eat and breathes only when her Instagram post hits a thousand likes. Bruh ask yourself, ‘Am I dating a Caption?’

6. I just saw this text

She saw Joni’s status update, saw him change it to ‘I Got The Keys’. She also saw Nyambu posting a picture and delete it because her nose looked big. She downloaded musically and rapped to ‘Low Life’ and checked for views. Texted a group in Whatsapp called China Town ‘goodnight’ at 2 am then she just saw your text? Mmmmhh bruh you are playing Sportpesa with text messages and Man- She has just done a dab on you.

7. We’ll see

You are blind.


8. I’ll let you know

She is letting you go. Please thii ukiumaga.



9. One day

The world will end one day.  The next time you reach out to her you will either be blocked, blue ticked or the world would have already ended. Please save yourself and go buy that brown ‘Kale’ jacket. 
10.

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